1/6 Most Embarrassing Thing This Week

I was tagged by my favorite fellow ginger, Kaylie. And since I don't know how to tell anything in a nutshell, I'll be splitting up my 6 things into 6 different posts.

Let's get at this, shall we?

Q. What is the funniest/most embarrassing thing that happened this week?

Oh,

where do I start?

My life is a joke.

OK, so everybody poops, right?

Right.

(except for those few girls that don't, cause that would be so gross if they did)

Well.

Sometimes your body just doesn't want to poop. Like, for a couple of days, or in my case, a week.

And we all know what that means.

CONSTIPATION.

Now, if you don't like stories about poop, or the word poop, then don't continue on any further. 

Just stop

I won't be offended.

But

if you want a good poop story

then keep on.

I hadn't even realized that I hadn't gone poop until one day, it just, you know, hit.

It was painful.

I had to think back to when the last time I went was, and came to the conclusion that it had been far too long

a week.

A FREAKIN' WEEK

not ok.

As I contemplated whether I should just bear it and keep myself from experiencing the pain of a weeks worth of food, or to evacuate and and suffer the pain and damage..

Either way

it was going to be bad.

And boy was I right.

I decided to just go for it.

It was not pleasant...

After probably a solid 20 minutes, I text my mom telling her I needed to bring in the big guns.

An enema

DUN

DUN
DUN

The converstion went as follows:

K- "Mother."

M- "Daughter."

K- "Will you please go the the store and get me a laxative thingy? The sooner the better please."

M- "lol who's hacking your phone?"

K- "I'm dead serious, I swear on my kidney."

The moment I swore in my kidney, she knew this was no joke. 

This was serious.

so

very

serious.

She told me she and my dad were running to J&J and that they'd be back soon.

I waited.

and then waited some more.

I asked where she was.

M-"Oh, we just need to run to Home Depot real quick, be home soon."

No.

That's just not OK, mother.

M- "Call Tim, he'll go get you one."

UMMM NO THANK YOU , MOM.

How embarassing.

Hey, honey. Um, I've been sitting here on the toilet for over an hour now and really need an enema because I have an eggplant sized waste in me that won't come out.

(although I had no doubts that he would have done it for me willingly. But I wasn't ready for him to have to experience this till AFTER we're married.)

No.

No.

So, there I sat.

Waiting.

In withering pain.

FINALLY

what felt like 5 hours

My mom is home.

I had to give myself an enema.

ugh

I know

so horribly awfuly grossly icky

But you know, it just had to happen.

As I waited for it to work

It didn't.

I ran out to my mom and told her she needed to take me to the Emergency Room.

I was dying.

I was going to have more damage than necessary if I took care of this on my own.

She told me I was crazy and told me to go drink a cup of Miralax.

So I did.

 and waited some more.

Nothing.

So she brought me 3 laxatives

THREE

Still

nothing.

Then we decided to try one of those glycerin rockets.

Nope.

Nothing.

Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

I was sure I was going to die that night.

My life as I knew it was going to end because I couldn't poop.

What a sad, miserable, humiliating way to pass on.

I fell asleep hoping I'd wake up in the morning and it'd all be a dream.

I did wake up in the morning. 

at 5:00 am

and.

erupted.

for about 5 days

Now I will be on a diet of prunes and juice for the rest of my life.

Thanks, bowels.

The End.

Next post will be one of the following. If you have any requests of what you'd like to hear/read about more, lemme know. K?

Please pick six things out of these options:

1. what is the funniest/most embarrassing thing that happened this week?  2. spill. what's your guilty pleasure?  3. hurry, take a quick piccy of your outfit today! name your favorite thing about what you're wearing or give us a little note about your personal style and what it means to you.  4. any beauty secrets you're currently loving?  5. who has been the most inspiring person for you? why?  6. favorite song off the top of your head. don't think about it. just go (and provide a link if you can)!  7. what's a personal trial that you've had to overcome? 

8. why do you blog? and what do you find to be the most rewarding thing that has come from it? 

KLAWSSY

Guess who's back, back again? Kelsie's back, tell a friend... or, you know, you don't have to. It's cool.

   

 Iiiiiiit's been a minute. I've been MIA from the blogging world for a few years now and have decided to resurface. Why you ask? After all this time away, why come back?

Because.

That's it.

I've had QUITE a lot happen in the past few years that most of you probably know about, and then others probably don't. 

So

I'm going to fill you in.

One

boring

blog post

at 

a 

time.

Bear with me

*woohoo we're so excited that Kelsie is writing again cause she's sooo funny and clever*

lolzjk

but fo' real.

but, not really.

Let's just see how this goes, k?

cool.

-Klawssy

 

 

Wait... Did that just happen? Like... F'real?

Guys.

Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em.

So basically. I went on a date tonight.

He came and picked me up, opened the doors for me... True gentleman.

I told him to surprise me for dinner.

We went to Marie Calendars.

Yeeeeup. There were loads of old folks there, having their pie and eating it too.

I slipped on the way in.

We ate... had good conversation...

Went back to his place for a movie. E.T. to be exact. Yeeup, I know how to pick 'em!

I had to pee.

I scurried into the restroom, lifted up the seat, and BAM! There's poop in there!

Lot's and lot's of poop! And soggy toilet paper! Uhhhh.

What do you do in this situation.

Simple.

You flush.

I

flushed.

I

clogged.

I slammed the toilet seat and ran out yelling, "Your toilet is full of poop and is overflowing!!"

He ran in, closed the door, led me upstairs, showed me to the other bathroom (awfully dirty).

I pee'd.

We started the movie, guys. It was going good, you know.. Holding hands *yay*.

He starts to stroke my chin.

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Es'cuse me?!

Are you retarded? Who does that?

I brushed said stroke, off.

He does it again!

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

F'real? I look at him confused and he has is mouth open coming at me!

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

No.

No. No. No. No. No.

That's exactly what I told him.

No.

Then put my finger on his mouth and said, you guessed it, NO.

At this time I'm just begging for the movie to end.

It just keeeeeps on going.

.

.

.

.

.

Finally.

It's over.

Me-"Every party has a pooper and that pooper is me! Can you take me home? I have an early morning."

Him-"Yeah, for sure. Not a problem."

Get into the car.... Drive home.

Get out, walks me to the door. Give him a "friend" hug and say goodnight.

He said he'll text me tomorrow cause he'd love to go out with me again.

-Dude, I wasn't playing "hard to get" by not kissing you.

I'm just not interested.

You're a great kid, don't get me wrong.

Not trying to be rude.

Jusssst.... Not interested. -

Oh, another great part.

During our date, he told me that his biggest pet peeve was when people talk about their past relationships on dates.

Guess what we talked about on our date.

DING DING DING.

His past relationships.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

-One time when he was dating the head cheerleader, he was making out with her. She wasn't Mormon. (He obviously had to make that clear)

She started taking his shirt off and he liked it.

She asked him what his necklace was (a big gold chain with a large pendant) and he replied, "That's my promise to go on a mission. Give me my shirt!"

Woooow.

Sweet peas, dude.

Haha.

If you couldn't tell, I had a great time.

Hopefully I didn't' sounds like too much of a snobb. :/ hehe.

On to the next one!

It's been a minute...

So basically, I haven't blogged since sometime in July, what's up with that?

Terrible. Forgive me?

I mean not that I have a ton of blog readers, but, whatev.

So.

Where to begin.

A lot has happened since my last post, but I don't know exactly what that stuff is. But I promise it happened!

Haley and Brandon got hitched.

They have a baby, Azriela. 1-3-11

Steph and Dan have a baby, Rizdon. 10-29-10

I have a puppy, Chester.

I'm moving to Texas, February.

Wait... Whaaaa?

That's right! TEXASS!

I'm ready for a new adventure, and I'm sure I'll get just that!

Meh.

No more stories are coming to the noggin.

I just ate a cookie.

It was scrumptious.

Random.

Till next time! (which is hopefully sooner than later)

What's cookin' good lookin'?!

So, I've been missing from the blogging world as of late.

Probably because I found a life under a big rock.

Not that I had a huge brew of attentive blog readers, but... Meh, a girl can wish.

So, what's been going on with Klawssy lately? Let's take a gander.

First off, I got me an iPhone 4:

It's the Apple of my eye. Haha, I made a funny.

Second of all, I've been quite the traveler. Or, will be I guess.

You see, I've gone to two ward retreats, Dallas, I'll be flying to Denver tomorrow the meet Steph, then driving home to Layton from Denver, then 5 days from then I will be flying to NY, connect to NC, drive to SC, drive back to NC, fly in to NYC, stay there for a day, then fly back to Utah.

I feel like I should add another trip on top of these, just for kicks and giggles.

I've been playing with my friends a whole lot.

Check out our blog here. We're good times for sure.

I go to bed around 3 every morning, and wake up around 11 in the afternoon.

Probably not a good idea.

I have a Releif Society retreat this Friday.

I don't wanna go.

I still really want a Unicorn.

Haley is engaged to Brandon.

Mrs. Thompson. Awe, tender moment.

Haley is having a baby with Brandon.

Baby Thompson. Awe, precious moment.

I start school again this Fall.

Yay.

Wildcats.... Woooooot.

I've started wearing shorts this summer for the first time in.... 20 years.

Instead of a tan, I'm getting loads of freckles.

Super.

I have to go lay flagstone in my backyard now.

It'll be super times fur sure.

Don't I know it.

Farewell blogging world.... Till next time.

B'bye now!

Soo-uhhhh...

I don't know if you knew this but, I have a slight obsession with Unicorns.

Most people in my life are fully aware of my love for these fairytale creatures.

I just want one as a pet really bad.

I'm going to create a world full of Unicorns, rainbows (with a pots of sparkly gold at the end), and green, green pastures for galavanting in.

You're all invited to come live there with me. It'd be good times for certain.

I'm off to bed now.

Off to dream about... Unicorns... And other mystical creatures I'm sure.

Don't judge me. Don't you dare judge me.

The Bieber

AKA Justin Bieber.

My underaged Boyfriend.

This kid... he's my favorite.

I've been following this YouTube sensation from the beginning.

Back when he was singing Justin Timberlake..... Ahhhhhh yeah!

Behold:

Now I know there are a lot of Bieber-Haters out there, but I don't care about those people.

This kid has talent... you're all just jealous.

And he's cute.

And he's friends with Usher.

And Ludacris.

And probably Oprah too.

Is that ironic to anyone else?

P.S. Don't worry, because I have his CD and I listen to it everyday.

I know all the words to most of his songs.

I'm not afraid to admit it.

I love JB.

Deal. :D

Scars

Footprints in the Sand

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.

Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.

In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.

Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,

other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed

that during the low periods of my life,

when I was suffering from

anguish, sorrow or defeat,

I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord,

"You promised me Lord,

that if I followed you,

you would walk with me always.

But I have noticed that during

the most trying periods of my life

there have only been one

set of footprints in the sand.

Why, when I needed you most,

you have not been there for me?"

The Lord replied,

"The times when you have

seen only one set of footprints in the sand,

is when I carried you."

Kidney transplant '04

Catheter for Dialysis. First one got infected, replaced with a second one right next to it.

Three stitches when I was three years old. Running with a razor blade

Temporary catheter

Sometimes I get sick of being sick.

I ask myself "why me?".

I hate that I have to take medicine every day, morning and night.

I am never happy to get my blood drawn once a month for the rest of my life.

Why not me?

We were sent here to face trials.

Trials make us stronger.

Physically and Spiritually.

God is good.

Prayer is good.

Scripture is good.

Family is good.

My life..... is good.

Spring Break!

Oh man, Spring Break was just wonderful.

Relaxation and fun!

Me, Haley, Haley's kids, Cheree, Kaylie and Marissa went up to Wolf Creek to stay at my parent's condo.

We ate lot's of food, went hot tubbing, watched movies, went to see the Monk's at the Monastery and even stood on the frozen lake!

Me and Marishk AKA Marissa AKA BFF

Gingersnap! and I :D

Chereeree, Gingersnap, Doodle.

(Cheree's face..... Ha! I can't get over it!)

Standing on Pineview.... Ahhhh yeah!

Marishk sleeping through Zac Efron's hotness. Tisk, tisk!

I just love this girl.

Awe, for cute!

"Richard, what's happening?!"

P.S. We made a little video, check it out here

Grizzlies and Denny's!

I went to a the Utah Grizzlies game last night with my friends. Ummm, so fun!

I even saw a legit fight!

Afterwards we all went to Denny's and had way to much fun!

Conversations went as follows:

1. Tim to Waitress: "Have you had any of these?" (Points to section on menu...)
Waitress to Tim: "Yes, we have ALL of those." (With a tone...)

Tim to Waitress: No, have you tried them... (Kelsie busts out laughing!)

(Ok, you seriously had to be there, it was funny, I'm telling you!)

2. Tim: "Oh, and can we have some freakin' ketchup for the tenth time?!"

3. Waiter: "Can I just bring you a pitcher of hot chocolate for you guys? That way I won't have to come around and keep refilling your cups..."

4. Kelsie to Tim: What would you do if I threw this hot chocolate in your face?"

Tim to Kelsie: "Hug you and jump up and down and dance!"

Kelsie to Tim: "Would you do an Irish Jig? I can just image you dancing and jumping with hot chocolate running down your face...!"

I swear other people talked besides Tim and I... I just didn't hear their funny comments. :)

Cheree, me and Jordan :)

Me and my dear Cheree!

Again.. Cheree and I. You just gotta love this girl!

In the words of Cheree: "Mr. Mullet Beer Sweaty Hat, the 17595-th"

First jalapeno ever. Tim was kind enough to let me take one from his Texican burger. It was hot people.... really hot. But ooooh so juicy for such a little thing!
Me and my girls! Cheree and Kaylie!

Whipped cream-stach. Yum! And I look like a little devil in this picture, "I'm going to get you!" No big deal.

P.s. Thank Kaylie, Tim and Cheree. I stole most of these pictures from you guys :)

Scary things, scare me.

I get scared.... a lot.

The simplest things scare me, and when I say simple, I'm talking about CSI or Fringe.

Yep.

I'm a wuss.

Quicky History:

When I was a wee child, my sisters and their friend did a seance in my basement.

Wha..?

They were trying to communicate with their friends dead mother.

CREEPY.

So I guess all this crap happend.

As a result, my basement is possessed.

True fact.

My friend and I were telling scary stories in my phone booth, which happens to be right across from the room that the "bad"stuff happened in.

All of a sudden she screamed and told me that there was a man standing in the room.

I didn't believe her at first, but she was very persistent.

So of course, I took her word for it.

I wouldn't go down in the basement for months.

I still can't go down there without singing a hymn, and even with that, I have to turn on every single light and when I leave, I BOOK it up the stairs.

I just dont' like being scared.

It's scary. Duh.

So obviously, I don't like scary movies.

Not at all.

No.

I watched one the other night though with my fantastic friends.

It was called The Others.

I definitely jumped, not gonna lie.

I even had my banket up over my face the majority of the time.

All in all though, it was really good.

I kind of want to watch another scary movie, not scary, scary. But more thriller scary.

Throw some ideas my way wontcha?

Splendid.

I think I may overcome this fear.

Pig Rolls?

Yep. Not sure what to call these puppies since there are already Pigs in a Blanket.....

Buuuut, Pig Rolls should do the job.

These little suckers are divine!

You might be gagging, but I don't care.

The first time I had heard about these I didn't think twice, they sounded Delish! But to other people I've told, they've turned their noses.

Don't turn your noses. No, no.

These are going to be your new favorite treat!

Cinnamon Rolls with Bacon rolled in them!

Yep you heard me right! Tasty huh?!

First you get Cinnamon Rolls, (make sure they are the kind you can roll out.

Then get some Bacon.

Unroll the Cinnamon Roll, place Bacon inside, cook in the oven for the time on the Cinnamon Roll thing and Voila!!!!

Heaven.