Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Wait... Did that just happen? Like... F'real?



Guys.
Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em.

So basically. I went on a date tonight.
He came and picked me up, opened the doors for me... True gentleman.
I told him to surprise me for dinner.
We went to Marie Calendars.
Yeeeeup. There were loads of old folks there, having their pie and eating it too.

I slipped on the way in.

We ate... had good conversation...
Went back to his place for a movie. E.T. to be exact. Yeeup, I know how to pick 'em!

I had to pee.
I scurried into the restroom, lifted up the seat, and BAM! There's poop in there!
Lot's and lot's of poop! And soggy toilet paper! Uhhhh.
What do you do in this situation.
Simple.
You flush.
I
flushed.
I
clogged.
I slammed the toilet seat and ran out yelling, "Your toilet is full of poop and is overflowing!!"
He ran in, closed the door, led me upstairs, showed me to the other bathroom (awfully dirty).
I pee'd.

We started the movie, guys. It was going good, you know.. Holding hands *yay*.
He starts to stroke my chin.
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Es'cuse me?!
Are you retarded? Who does that?
I brushed said stroke, off.
He does it again!
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
F'real? I look at him confused and he has is mouth open coming at me!
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
No.
No. No. No. No. No.
That's exactly what I told him.
No.
Then put my finger on his mouth and said, you guessed it, NO.

At this time I'm just begging for the movie to end.
It just keeeeeps on going.
.
.
.
.
.
Finally.
It's over.
Me-"Every party has a pooper and that pooper is me! Can you take me home? I have an early morning."
Him-"Yeah, for sure. Not a problem."
Get into the car.... Drive home.
Get out, walks me to the door. Give him a "friend" hug and say goodnight.
He said he'll text me tomorrow cause he'd love to go out with me again.
-Dude, I wasn't playing "hard to get" by not kissing you.
I'm just not interested.
You're a great kid, don't get me wrong.
Not trying to be rude.
Jusssst.... Not interested. -
Oh, another great part.
During our date, he told me that his biggest pet peeve was when people talk about their past relationships on dates.
Guess what we talked about on our date.
DING DING DING.
His past relationships.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
-One time when he was dating the head cheerleader, he was making out with her. She wasn't Mormon. (He obviously had to make that clear)
She started taking his shirt off and he liked it.
She asked him what his necklace was (a big gold chain with a large pendant) and he replied, "That's my promise to go on a mission. Give me my shirt!"
Woooow.
Sweet peas, dude.

Haha.

If you couldn't tell, I had a great time.
Hopefully I didn't' sounds like too much of a snobb. :/ hehe.
On to the next one!




7 comments:

Stephanie said...

totally not a snob. that is so funny. I wrote about all of my dates. your kids will love reading this stuff, i sure do!

Stephanie said...

ps, he was a retard!

April said...

you crack me up!!! what a dork for sure! And what a date to tell your kids when they're older. YOu'll be glad you wrote that one down.

Michelle said...

Okay, that was seriously one of the funniest blog posts I've ever read! I love reading your blog. It makes me smile because you have the funnest personality :)

PS - I love that you told him no, like, 10 times. Ha!

Anonymous said...

What a funny date and you told the story with such glee.

Amy said...

That was very entertaining! Sorry that is was at your expense! You deserve someone much much much better than that d#@*h!

Anonymous said...

[color=#5588aa]cute! thank you.[/color]



you can also read it in מלון דן אכדיה הרצליה מלון קראון פלאזה תל אביב מלון ריביירה קלאב אילת