I was tagged by my favorite fellow ginger, Kaylie. And since I don't know how to tell anything in a nutshell, I'll be splitting up my 6 things into 6 different posts.
Let's get at this, shall we?
Q. What is the funniest/most embarrassing thing that happened this week?
where do I start?
My life is a joke.
OK, so everybody poops, right?
(except for those few girls that don't, cause that would be so gross if they did)
Sometimes your body just doesn't want to poop. Like, for a couple of days, or in my case, a week.
And we all know what that means.
Now, if you don't like stories about poop, or the word poop, then don't continue on any further.
I won't be offended.
if you want a good poop story
then keep on.
I hadn't even realized that I hadn't gone poop until one day, it just, you know, hit.
It was painful.
I had to think back to when the last time I went was, and came to the conclusion that it had been far too long
A FREAKIN' WEEK
As I contemplated whether I should just bear it and keep myself from experiencing the pain of a weeks worth of food, or to evacuate and and suffer the pain and damage..
it was going to be bad.
And boy was I right.
I decided to just go for it.
It was not pleasant...
After probably a solid 20 minutes, I text my mom telling her I needed to bring in the big guns.
The converstion went as follows:
K- "Will you please go the the store and get me a laxative thingy? The sooner the better please."
M- "lol who's hacking your phone?"
K- "I'm dead serious, I swear on my kidney."
The moment I swore in my kidney, she knew this was no joke.
This was serious.
She told me she and my dad were running to J&J and that they'd be back soon.
and then waited some more.
I asked where she was.
M-"Oh, we just need to run to Home Depot real quick, be home soon."
That's just not OK, mother.
M- "Call Tim, he'll go get you one."
UMMM NO THANK YOU , MOM.
Hey, honey. Um, I've been sitting here on the toilet for over an hour now and really need an enema because I have an eggplant sized waste in me that won't come out.
(although I had no doubts that he would have done it for me willingly. But I wasn't ready for him to have to experience this till AFTER we're married.)
So, there I sat.
In withering pain.
what felt like 5 hours
My mom is home.
I had to give myself an enema.
so horribly awfuly grossly icky
But you know, it just had to happen.
As I waited for it to work
I ran out to my mom and told her she needed to take me to the Emergency Room.
I was dying.
I was going to have more damage than necessary if I took care of this on my own.
She told me I was crazy and told me to go drink a cup of Miralax.
So I did.
and waited some more.
So she brought me 3 laxatives
Then we decided to try one of those glycerin rockets.
I was sure I was going to die that night.
My life as I knew it was going to end because I couldn't poop.
What a sad, miserable, humiliating way to pass on.
I fell asleep hoping I'd wake up in the morning and it'd all be a dream.
I did wake up in the morning.
at 5:00 am
for about 5 days
Now I will be on a diet of prunes and juice for the rest of my life.
Next post will be one of the following. If you have any requests of what you'd like to hear/read about more, lemme know. K?
Please pick six things out of these options: